They were selling these hilar and also kind of amazing gold topped animal jars at Uncovet (sorry you have to sign up and be invited, blah blah blah go ahead and use that link if you’re interested). OBVIOUSLY I needed them. Worry not, (I told myself, in a panicky way), a trip to my pantry, the toy store, and 30 rands later I’m the proud new owner of my very own gold animal topped mason jars.
Totally Insane Aside: There were several different sets of plastic animals at the toy store (farm, jungle, etc) and I picked the Safari pack, for obvious reasons, but mostly because THERE IS LITTLE ELSE I HOLD MORE SACRED IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN WORLD THAN SITTING ON A JEEP AND WATCHING ANIMALS IN THE WILD WHILE PERIODICALLY STOPPING TO DRINK WINE. Imagine my horror when I discovered amongst the giraffe, zebra, rhino, lion, etc that there was a TIGER. Anybody with half a brain knows that tigers do not occur naturally on this, the lovely continent of Africa, and therefore WOULD NEVER BE SEEN ON SAFARI. You can’t even argue that the safari pack was Indian safari (if such a thing existed) because the other animals in the set DO NOT OCCUR NATURALLY IN INDIA. Perhaps the safari pack could be more aptly called ‘Safari toys: FOR FUTURE NINCOMPOOPS.” These toys are being sold to children and if I, like any normal person my age in a toy store, was buying these FOR CHILDREN I would be irritated. It was a lesser version of the rage I feel when they teach kids IN SCHOOL, THE PLACE FOR LEARNING FACTS, that the earth was formed 6,000 years ago and dinosaurs and humans co-existed (IT’S LEGAL TO DO THAT IN SEVERAL STATES IN AMERICA YOU KNOW).
Ahem. I digress….
Spray Paint (any color you want)
Step 1. Glue animals onto mason jar lids. Let it dry.
Step 2. Take ‘em outside and spray ‘em. A bit tricky because you gotta get the undersides of the animals, else it’ll look sloppy.
Step 3. Let it dry.
VOILA. Up yours, Uncovet.
(sorry I really have nothing against them, they have really cute stuff)
And now, THE COMPARISON PHOTO: